Shutdown

My head has been really quiet this weekend. I knew it was coming, I think. Still, it just feels like wasted time. At the very least, I wish I could write. I got nothing.

I am sleeping a lot. Who says you can't bank it? I hope to feel at least rested for the week coming.

In which I meet with G in a small town in Nevada. I am still not at all certain how she will respond to me. I've maybe lost her completely with this honesty.

I feel everything from a distance. I have this far away feeling of depression; of despair. I know it's madness. Makes no difference, though, that it isn't "mine." For now, at least, I've been pushed aside a bit to let them have this. My control of the body is less at times like this. Oh, I can still drive and talk and maintain the look of sanity in polite company. I am just quieter than people know me to be. My personality not so large. And in time by myself, I become nearly catatonic. I'll find myself having been sitting still for long stretches without having moved or thought or done a thing.

All in all, it is just so quiet inside. The thing that animates me is gone silent. King Kong sits, motor running, with no one at the controls.