Rumination

A lot of my old writings are regaining new meaning. This is one.


Foot falls strike hard pavement as my steps bring me no closer. Walking with a surety that sometimes escapes me, I cannot increase the distance from my thoughts. I am haunted. Every step screams a need I cannot name. Every wisp of hair on my face brushed away by other hands. The breeze that shivers me might be her breath.

As I walk along, I pull my collar higher. I gather myself around me. I continue on. Stirred as I am to things I fear. Struck hard in the gut by a mood that could move mountains by sheer force of will.

Her words turn and spin in my head and I feel taller somehow. My steps fall as if the whole world might hear the music in my head, a cadence created by her laughter. A heart somehow lighter with uncertain possibilities.

The wind blows and finds me where I cower, shielding myself from its bite. I curl into myself some more and breathe a long, slow sigh. Any passer by might see the grin I press into my scarf. Smoke curling slowly from my lips, hand lingering near still to my mouth, I stretch myself tall; thoughtfully contemplating the shifts in this life. I stamp out the thing, thinking it my fear, and continue on. Curiously lighter somehow for all this uncertainty.