ready...aim...PEE!

Drug test today. Nothing to fear, though. They cannot test me for a desire to do a drug or eight, only the evidence that I have fallen under the weight of said desire.

Which I have not. Phtt.

But you need to understand a little something here. Your sweet lovable Nomy is no hover-er. And she got a whoppin four minutes in which to pee. And for me that includes the wipe-the-toilet-down-wipe-your-hands-cover-seat-in-paper-so-not-one-speck-of-nasty-toilet-seat-is-showing ritual! I had to pee like a Belgian race horse from holding it all morning and now, NOW they put me on a time limit! And y'all know that women can't exactly aim that thing. Right? You know this?

The nice lady said, no lie, "I hope this doesn't offend you, but if there is urine on the outside of the cup, please wipe it down." Offend me? Offend me?? Really? Nice lady said that the woman before me got all (pardon the pun, you knew it was coming) pissy with her when she asked that the "soppin wet cup" be wiped down. Those quote marks are there because that is what Nice Lady said.

The whole time we're having this conversation, I am still prancing. No, not because I still have to pee, which I think I do, but because the water wouldn't work in the little room I had to use. Nomy-the-ever-psychotic did not yet wash her hands! EEEK! Please, Nice Lady. Please point me to the sink that works!

So went my afternoon in the pee clinic. I feel dirty. I want a shower.

Oh, and one more completely unrelated thing. To all the young tough guy lesbians out there. You know who you are. You get all pimped out in your Titans jersey, Titans sock hat, low slung jeans. You know. Listen. I know you got a 'rep to protect. But if you're gonna smoke, then smoke. This filling your mouth up like you did when you were holding your breath as a kid and then whooshing it back out fools no one. You think the girl on your arm thinks it's cool? Phtt. Maybe she does. Maybe she does.

God, how I wanted to say something. My fuse soooo short these days. Still. It isn't like me to open my trap.

I almost said "these kids today..." Cripe. Is 35 really that old?

(Your spell check update finds Blogspot not recognizing "pissy." It wants pussy instead. Insert naughty comment here.)