Madness

As the wine breathes, I walk around the house in only my blue pajama bottoms, after a too hot shower, and contemplate my night. It is still early and yet one of the last things said to me is the thing that sticks.

Normally, I would just ruminate on it by myself. But now I have this blog. Do I let seep out of me the things I think?

Madness. C mentioned madness tonight to me. How my madness has changed since last we spent any amount of time together. She thinks that I am stronger now. That I put down any insurrection that was brewing in my head when we were together.

God. It changes so much that it is hard to keep track of it and when I am better or worse. Because lately my head has been so loose.

The thing with D.I.D. is that there is never any semblance of continuity. Never. One day, you could fix all the problems of the world. You are invincible. You could have any girl. You are a stellar employee. The next, each day is a struggle to simply appear sane. You cannot recall any of the grand schemes and ideas of the day before and are lucky to do your job sufficiently.

The people who do not know can only gaze at you in wonder. Why are you so different today? Why don't you remember that only yesterday we met and talked for hours?

.... Madness is my nemesis. And yet, it is the thing that draws people to me. The thing that makes me stand out. The thing that makes me even remotely interesting.

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