Random Musings & A Half Bottle Of Wine

I cannot continue to be so shifty. My history is to find a girl I like and to shift a thing here about me or a thing there. I mean, I do it day to day with this fucking psychosis. Grew up constantly changing who I was to please those around me and to fill a need.

But I have reached a point in my life where, let's be honest, I like myself a lot. I adore who I am, really. (The "editor" of my psychosis is being kicked out tonight, I think) I am the shit. And that's not nearly as cocky as it sounds. (He's back.)

I just.... You know, somewhere out there is a woman - or two- who is totally into the person I am now. Or a man, even. And I am tired of being the one who changes to suit the world. It's time the world shift, just a bit, to accommodate me.

What brings this about? you ask. A conversation with a girl I am so into it hurts. I am crazy about her. We couldn't be more different, on the surface.

Both Geminis. She's a one, I'm a two. She's a semi-professional athlete, I am mildly hedonistic. She lives a gazillion miles away. We're in similar fields. Once you scrape a bit past the surface, we have far more in common than at first glance.

And she could totally own me. Could totally tame me.

Now, that isn't all that odd. I usually know within the first 10 seconds of meeting someone if they are the type or not. She walked up and said hello and I knew before her hand was in mine that she could have this power over me.

The point of this whole wine-induced public rant is that I need to stop being so completely single sighted. She isn't the only girl in the world. There are certain things about me that just are.

And I want this girl in my life. She just may not be "the one." And that is ok. We aren't compatible on every front.

Hell. She doesn't even know that a wonderful conversation with her tonight fueled this response.

She does not know that, tonight, I removed myself from the running. We may hook up. But the race is done.

She isn't the one.